Back in the early days of ebook publishing, publishers like Ellora's Cave, Amber Quill, and eXtasy Books were pioneers in a wild frontier. New York didn't know what to do with books that fell outside their box — outside their comfort zone in genre, heat levels, and just plain strange. (Tentacle sex, anyone?) I liked the diversity and loved the freedom.
At Amber Quill, I came up with the idea of vampires my way — my Descendants of Darkness series. Vampires in New Orleans. Not a new concept in view of Anne Rice, but I wanted to write them how I wanted. The first in the series, Alonso, was a hit. Next came Lucius, Leonardo, and Raife. Each vampire with his own story of struggle and finding his fated love. (I cringe at the term "fated" at this point — it had become such a cliché.) So when the novellas were combined into one paperback, I submitted it to Romantic Times for review, never dreaming it would be a Top Pick. It was a shock.
While I did not win the erotic romance category at RT (it was won by Angela Knight and her book The Forever Kiss), I still made it further than many authors in epublishing. I had a book that was epublished compete with NY published authors. It was impressive. At the time I felt that I could sell more books. In came Ellora's Cave. I submitted the book as soon as I received my rights back and sold it within a day to Ellora's Cave. I went on to publish a few books with them as Marianne LaCroix — Lady Sheba, Beast in My Bed, Rosy Cheeks, and Bridesmaid and the Beast. I had my novella The Scorpion King included in a NY published anthology, All the Queen's Men. I had found success. But not really.
I tried to sell other ideas to NY publishers but there was no place for my books. I still wanted genre blending, books I wanted to write, but then I thought to conform too.
In trying to conform (i.e. contemporary romance set in a small town) I lost myself, my voice, my creativity. It went downhill as my personal life upended with a divorce and a new chapter of my life began.
The new chapter had me working 12 hour night shifts and I was too tired to be creative. I had to keep myself and my kids fed, clothed and a roof over our heads. I worked overtime shifts too. Money was a struggle. I found some happiness with a man who made me laugh, but a nightmare awaited in the mists.
I married that man, not knowing I let in a monster. It started small, but the abuse grew to the point I hardly noticed. I did change jobs to work daytime so I could sleep normal hours, but I was still tired. Throughout my first marriage and second, I gained weight and was miserable. It's probably why I didn't notice the abuse beyond my own self.
Then one day we had an argument and I was about to have surgery on my right arm. He said, "I'm going to go back to __, and no one will help you the day you get surgery." (Or something like that.) I was like, "Please go." I had friends offer aid to take me wherever I needed the day of surgery. I am a fairly social person and I do have friends — writer friends, work/nurse friends — and getting support was there. He later cancelled leaving. I should have made him leave.
Months later the bottom fell out. A sheriff showed up at my door and I discovered the evil within my own home — hurting my children. I was in a state of shock. The pain I felt was immeasurable. How could I not know the extent of what I was told? Obviously, I filed for divorce. It was then I realized the extent of how bad the abuse had gone. I was gaslighted so badly, I questioned myself, still hearing his voice berate me, abuse me, and lie to me. I was broken, but I was determined to not let him destroy me or my children. A chapter of my life was over, but a new one began.
Two weeks after filing for divorce, I met a man who was the complete opposite of the soon to be ex. He supported me through everything, the court appearances, meetings with lawyers, my own turmoils of dealing with pain and depression. It took years to get to a spot where I could think of writing again. That time is now.
Stay tuned for part three...
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